boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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