Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
