How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
