i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
