At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
