Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize