Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
