ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
