Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
