im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
