I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
