I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry about my life...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
