Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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