The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
