3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
