Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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