Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
