it was like his penis was on wheels.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
