she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So squirting runs in the family.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
