he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
