i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
