How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
