I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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