if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
