# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
