she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
