Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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