were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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