Dude my mom stole all your condoms
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
