I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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