RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
