how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
