So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
