Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize