Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
