I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
