how can u be prego again
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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