im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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