I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
