All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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