That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
