Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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