i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize