i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
