I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
