he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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