I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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