I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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