And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
