I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
