Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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