she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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