I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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