I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
