Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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