He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize