Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she peed on how many people?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
