i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
