things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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