That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
