i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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