My room smells like vodka and shame
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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