I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
