Porn is love you can see.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize