If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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