but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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