youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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