You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize