I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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